Tips for Dealing with Anticipated Family Stress During the Holidays

Don't expect it to be a "happy" Thanksgiving, "happy" Chanakuh, or even a "merry" Christmas, especially if there has been little or no family contact, love, nor interest shown during the course of the year and a lifetime, just because it's the "happy, merry, joyful and the most wonderful" time of the year as the song goes.

This is not reality. With lots of extended families that connect once or twice a year sometimes the stress and the heavy air can be cut through with a knife. It's been described by a few of my patients as, "walking on egg shells." So how does a person "get through" the holidays unscathed?

Ask Arden's tips:

• Don't expect too much. In fact don't expect....
• Expect that the conversation may be very superficial.
• Expect not to make major overtures to bridge the gapping hole
• Expect some hostility leaking through
• Don't bite the bait.
• Be Aerial about it....Rise above, see the bigger picture, get some much needed perspective.
• Stay away from any confrontation, table it for some other time.
• Connect with the children. That is a great distraction and dilutes some of the tension.
• If it's really awful, come visit for a few hours.
• Have other places to go, like a best friends, where you can let your hair down and be yourself.
• Tough time of the year for a person not in a coupledom.
• Make sure you are surrounded by fun activities. Sing to yourself, join a choir. Get out and walk.
• Treat yourself, love and like yourself.
• Do some voluntary work, like in a local soup kitchen like we have here in Nyack, N.Y., or with a charitable group like "People to People." It will make you feel so good to come "out of yourself" and give to those that really need an extra dose of love during the holiday season.

"Happy," uh I mean, hymm, make the most of the holiday season and feel blessed to be alive. For more advice on soothing yourself during stressful family events and holidays, Read What Do You Expect? She's A Teenager! Mindful Meditations.